var excuses = "electromagnetic radiation<br />from satellite debris"
+"~magnetic interference<br />from credit cards"
+"~somebody was calculating pi on the<br />server (meringue caused sticky bits)"
+"~fat electrons in the lines"
+"~network packets travelling uphill<br />(next time use a carrier pigeon)"
+"~CPU radiator broken"
+"~positron router malfunction<br />(needs new dilithium crystal)"
+"~secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS"
+"~Bogon emissions<br />(wrap system in aluminum foil)"
+"~Little hamster in running wheel had coronary<br />(waiting for replacement from Wyoming)"
+"~high-pressure electron pump failed"
+"~bit bucket overflow"
+"~ether leaked out of net due to unplugged cable"
+"~stale data (next time use Tupperware)"
+"~small animal kamikaze attack on power supply"
+"~nearby Rolling Stones concert caused brownout"
+"~system operator ran out of caffeinated drinks"
+"~router thinks it's a printer"
+"~too many people playing network games"
+"~keyboard input device failed"
+"~missing 'Any' key"
+"~busy updating /dev/null"
+"~battle with Attila the Hub<br />(brother of Jabba the Hub)"
+"~monitor ran out of pixels"
+"~reversed polarity of neutron flow"
+"~bus controller needs bearings repacked"
+"~wait -- Rosin core solder?<br />what's Rosin core ... ?"
+"~my tie is caught in the printer --<br />please don't pri--urk!"
+"~bit rot"
+"~it was OK before you messed with it"
+"~problem between keyboard and chair"
+"~press any key to continue --<br />NO, NO! NOT THAT ONE!"
+"~write-only file system is down"
+"~firewall overheated"
+"~network failure -- call CBS"
+"~plasma conduit breach -- call Jordy"
+"~lysdexics ytpnig  commansd"
+"~bad user karma"
+"~traffic jam on Information Superhighway"
+"~bad packets delivered by Etherbunny"
+"~somebody ran the operating system<br />through a spell checker"
+"~waiting for vi editor to be upgraded to vii"
+"~your mouse nibbled on the browser cookies";
tilde="~";  // now split humongous string into array elements
excusearray=excuses.split(tilde);
e=excusearray.length;
today=new Date;
function excuse()
{ 
  // Pick an excuse at random based on the time mod the number of sayings.
  document.write("<h6>Error: ");
  document.write(excusearray[today.getTime()%e]);
  document.write("</h6>");
}